How to control anger? Make your anger constructive.
Anger? Why we are writing on our anger? Anger if not checked can be harmful. And if also really don’t know How to control your anger then this is for you.
I am also a victim of temper problems!
Similar to any other teenager I also have major temper issues. This was a bit difficult to explain to anyone that I can’t control my thoughts when I am infuriated. I believe anger is a skill you need.
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There was a time when I used to get angry really fast. There were times literally when I got angry and I made my mother cry. I am really guilty of that. I have seen her working for me her whole life (after I was born), I made her cry. One day I decided I can not do this anymore and stopped it.
Now I cannot say, I have mastered my anger, but I am improving. This is why I am writing this. That day I also told myself I will not be a victim to anger and I really don’t want you to be the same. That’s why this article.
Do you know, researchers have found that 1 in 12 adolescents met criteria for IED(anger disorder). Why did I tell you this?
If you developed anger issues in your teens, it was not your fault. Anger is embedded in our culture. But if you are still a victim of anger in your adulthood, then it’s definitely your fault.– Parth Agarwal
Note: Many times anger is useful and to be done. We are discussing about uncontrollable and bad temper.
Ask yourself a question -“Why is it actually happening??”
The question which rises in my mind is that – What’s the reason -that now teenagers or youngsters cannot tolerate even the slightest step against them and eventually they end up taking decision in the heat of the moment causing them and irreparable loss?????
We all know that human race has been into existence for now almost 3,00,000 years. Every Change which evolution did, made us potentially better and stronger.
As we all know that every individual has his own personal struggles in his whole life. But dealing with that and overpowering everything is what life teaches us.Our ancestors have also been through the greatest struggle that is the to make a country independent.
THE ROOT CAUSE
If we go deep and analyze the situations in which our youth is living, we’ll get to know its root cause.
- The adolescence period is usually marked with increased physical changes. These changes are ought to bring physical stress and mental strain as well.
- Technology has also made youngsters change their lifestyle immensely. This is one of the biggest reason most of the youngsters suffer from disturbed biological clock.
- Their eating and sleeping pattern is changed, causing much hormonal imbalance and problems like insomnia, anxiety etc.
- Today the youth has become more of the result-oriented rather than procedure-oriented. And this what I feel is one of the factor that everybody is running behind jobs and not a career. Children on not raised up teaching how to enjoy the process of building up and gradually achieve success.
- As we say teachers are the foundation of a country and hence teachers, mentors and educationists are also responsible to make students feel comfortable in whatever conditions they are.
- And that’s not enough, Every teenager goes through this pressure from the society of outperforming in everything. You compare yourself with your friends or cousins who are overachievers. Then the pressure of making a six-figure salary from well-settled job.
- And here is the role of parenting, being a true friend come into its place.
You tends to develop a bitter attitude within themselves for everyone. for example: if anyone have had any hurtful past memory then he will not not let it go. He will have rude behaviour towards everyone independent of the fact whether that person has aur has not hurt them ever before.
You want to be understood , need someone who hear them even if they are wrong. Console you when your life is being a mess. And if you don’t get what you require, you end up creating ruckus in your life.
It is seen nowadays that teenagers are unable to cope up with all these environmental and hormonal stress because either you trust someone more than your life where sometimes result in having trust issues or you do not open up at all with anyone. According to me following the extremes is never a good idea.
You all must believe that you are an athlete and preparing to run in an infinite marathon. Your coach is making you practice for the whole day. But you know what… You can’t hate running down the track just because you are exhausted of doing the repetions.
Life will create hurdles at the very next step, you just have jump high and bring laurels to yourself.
PACIFY YOUR ANGER
You can’t avoid bad situations, but
you can control how you react to them.
Here’s how to keep your cool
1. Stay still and take deep breaths.
I know this is one of the most cliché method. But you just can’t deny to acknowledge how effective this is. I,myself have started to do this more often. Even if you do not have temper issues, and you do some breathing exercises it will definitely help you to remain calm & composed and fight againat stress.
2. Identify the consequences of lashing out
I emphasize, ‘Don’t do anything you will regret later on!‘ You need to assess the situation more appropriately. You are more likely to hurt others’ feelings when your words are coming from your anger. Mark my words- In anger you can ruin everything you own including your beautiful relationships with everyone, your image you have made in several years.
3. Be action-oriented
Do something that willmitigate the situation. This may sound weird, but believe me when you immediately cut down your thoughts from the infuriated situation, you can easily calm yourself down.
4.Telling the other person how you feel.
Explain how they made you feel. It’s absolutely alright to tell your friends or parents or anyone ….That you are not feeling great, or you want to be in a quiet place, or you want some time alone by yourself. Just communicate with them. This will make things a lot more easier.
5. Doodle circles on notebook.
This is one of the simplest exercise which I do to relax me nerves. Scribbling or doodling helps you to divert your mind to some extent.
5. Express your anger
What will you do if someone is going to burn your house? Will you say to yourself stay calm, take deep breath? Will you run and punch hard the person and be angry with him?
If you are in your senses you will do the second. This is the point. Anger is not always wrong. Don’t suppress it every time. As per the demand of situation, release it in better ways.
6. BOOKS: My Saviour
This is my favourite. When I get angry I read self-help books. When you get angry, you need something to calm down. The above methods are great. But someone like me, who gets blind and uncontrollable, when he is angry, needs a permanent solution.
Find out your true passion in life. Next time when you get angry, instead of bursting on people, do that you love. It is really life changing. Please try it if you are victim to anger
Come out of your anger
You are probably here because you have been anger victim or want to understand anger better. You are also here because you believe books can change lives. Here are some of the books which will help you cope up with anger.
Note: Some books may have not a direct correlation with anger. Don’t let it be an excuse for not reading them. They have so much power that they can drastically reduce your anger. As they have done to me.
The black Beauty. This book helped me understand what real pain is. If you understand pain, then it will be not difficult to control your anger.
My Experiments with truth: An Autobiography of Gandhi: I have been an angry young man. I feel ashamed of myself after reading this book. A man (Gandhi Ji) so humble but once just like me and you. This book will inspire you to throw your anger. More importantly, it will inspire you to live a great life.
The above two will help you in understanding. The below two books will teach you how to do it.
The power of Habit: First you make your habits then your habits make you. If we see anger is a pattern of our mind. If you can understand how to break old and make new patterns, what else do you want. I personally struggle with this part. If any suggestions on this, please let me know in the comments.
The 4 disciplines of Execution: I know the name is a bit creepy. This book is damn good. If I choose only one from these four books, this is it. This book has a business background. But equally good for people who want to achieve their goals. Please, guys, read it if your anger is causing major issues in your life.
If you want to read books directly related to anger management. Please check out 10 anger management books by Ezvid Wiki.
So far you have understood how to control your anger.
How to acknowledge your anger.
Anger can be your ally in the words of TED speakerJuna Mustad. Anger is not something out of the world. It’s a part of life, it makes us who we are. I don’t want to live with robots. You would also if you are human.
My point of view completely changed on anger, when I read Biography of STEVE JOBS by Walter Issacson. He was a damn angry man. Now I can see how can anger drive people around you.
I get angry but don’t remain angry.-STEVE JOBS
You can also use anger as a tool to drive people around you. As STEVE JOBS has done. Simple conclusion. You can use anger as a tool or if you can’t, try to manage your anger, both ways are equally good. And if you get angry, don’t torture yourself for being angry. Understand it’s the cause and eliminate it.
Whenever I am angry with my parents or myself. I read books. They give me hope and it rejuvenates me for being a fighter in life. I know you are also just like me, who gets angry. Tell me, “how do you come out of your anger?” In the comments below