A lot of times we all must have committed mistakes. Sometimes people forgive us but sometimes the mistake is too grave to be forgiven.
If someone else has done wrong to us may be unintentionally, we’ll talk about him, scold him, criticize him and maybe after doing all this we may forget and also forgive, But we all find this very difficult.
Tables of Contents
Understand the difference between constructive and destructive criticism
Listen to your opposition’s perspective
Don’t be ambiguous
Criticize actions not doer
Don’t overdo in jealousy or ignorance
We are humans and we all make mistakes
When we make a mistake and if we don’t take responsibility then we tend to make more mistakes in future. This will make other people to criticize us even more in every task we do. To know more we must take responsibility of.
I had a very wrong habit that- When I myself used to commit any mistake, I want people to forgive me and forget it as soon as possible but when someone else commit mistakes even if it was unintentional, I tend to crib about it a lot.
But soon I realized that this is not going to take me and also the other person anywhere.
How Criticizing someone affects you?
Criticizing anyone will only result into a heap of waste. It will waste your energy. It will also disturb your mental peace. And that person will also have no clue about this. He will not acknowledge his mistake and this whole lot of confusion can make blunders in life.
When you are criticizing something within the limits your criticism will be taken and you will be appreciated but when once you cross the line, nobody will take you seriously and your suggestions in a serious way. You will just be wasting your time and energy.
A criticism can not change a person for better. If you will keep on finding fault and criticize every work a person do, then it is sure that he will not change for you. In addition to this he will start maintaining a distance from you. Because nobody likes to be with a negative person.
So now the question arises what we can do if we feel someone is doing/or has done a wrong thing.
What things you must consider before criticizing someone??
What you can actually do to when you start criticizing? What things you must consider before criticizing?
Here’s 5 things, I keep in mind before criticizing someone:
- Understand the difference between constructive and destructive criticism.
- Listen to your opposition’s perspective
- Don’t be ambiguous
- Criticize actions not doer
- Don’t overdo in jealousy or ignorance
Let’s Understand each in detail…
1. Understand the difference between constructive and destructive criticism.
When I am talking about not criticizing someone, I mean about destructive criticism not constructive criticism. Negative criticism can put someone’s morale down whereas the positive criticism has the exact opposite effect. It can build up the person’s confidence in whatever he is doing and can encourage him to climb mountains for it.
Even after making mistakes when he will hear some positive criticism and consider it with calm and composed mind then he will keep trying to achieve his goals. Being an honest critique is always appreciated and the person will be grateful for your critical appreciation!
So you have to keep this in your mind that there is a thin line between CONSTRUCTIVE and DESTRUCTIVE criticism.
2. Listen to your opposition’s perspective.
Being a good listener will always help you in your life.
For example : You are sitting with a bunch of Friends and everybody is having a serious conversation about something. And you just lost track in between you because you were day dreaming and suddenly just jumping onto conclusions.
Now You know what will happen… You will just make a fool out of yourself in front of everyone.
That’s exactly what happens when we don’t listen and directly jump on to our conclusions with analyzing half of the facts.
It is very necessary that when you got off on the wrong foot with someone then you should give an equal opportunity to the other person to explain his points. Even if he has done something wrong to you maybe there is not any wrong intention to do it. But somehow he ended up into a wrong decision. so you should listen to your opposition’s point of view before criticizing.
Considering it with an open mind will help you to analyse the situation in a better way and you will not end up criticizing the person for no reason at all.
3. Don’t be ambiguous
You have to be clear on while giving suggestions (before criticize) as your vague or ambiguous suggestions or criticism can make the person go mad. When you use sarcasm while giving suggestion to your friend it is most likely that your sarcasm is taken negatively and you can not effectively communicate to him what you want to.
When a person perform or do anything wholeheartedly he expects people to like and appreciate his art. The more Complex situation occurs when he likes it but you don’t. Then if you sarcastically put your views onto him about not liking his art, the probability is that person will not understand your perspective.
Sarcasm is good when you have to put something or in not so serious situations. But when the situations are serious, sarcasm can mess the whole thing up and make your work even worse. So the thing you have to keep in your mind is…. While giving any positive criticism do not use SARCASTIC TONE while appreciating or negotiating about the art.
4. Criticize actions not doer.
The most important thing we forget while denouncing any work is that – We often end up condemning the doer and not his action.
Let’s take a small example,
For instance your younger sibling wants to gift you something special on my birthday. He or she starts to prepare for a surprise when you were not at home. When you come back you got to know he broke your favorite beautiful glass vase .You got immensely mad at him and criticize him for being careless and inconsiderate and what not.
But when you realize that he was only trying to make you happy you regret and feel very sorry.
This incident teaches us that someone’s action might be wrong but it is not necessary that his intent was wrong.
Similarly in other cases, there are possibilities that someone has done a wrong thing unintentionally. Therefore it is better to positively criticize the action but it is not good to criticize the intent of the doer.
Also Thinking positively can help you to prevent you criticizing the person.To avoid any kind of misunderstanding, you can directly ask or have a conversation with your friend and tell that you did not like it ‘instead of directly criticizing the intention’.
5. Don’t overdo in jealousy or ignorance (justify)
It is the basic human nature that when you see someone performing so good in everything. But you are in a position where you are average in everything. You gradually become envious to that person and out of that you start to criticize the work and the doer to pacify your feelings.
According to my opinion being envious is not an evil thing. But just to criticize and blame someone else for your failures and still not improving is the wrong thing.
What is better way to give your suggestions.
Show feeling of care and guidance whenever you don’t like something in the art or the performance. You want to criticize one thing then the feeling of genuine care and guidance should be there in the core of your heart. Giving the pointless criticism can only put the person down but when he’ll notice care for himself in your eyes he will be grateful for your genuine suggestion and take that with an open arms.
“Criticism is both the easiest and least effective form of help.”-Doe Zantamata
Destructive criticism only proves that you are jealous of someone and trying to put him down. This shows you are unhappy with whatever you do in your life and to get some pleasure you give negative comments. This is the most pathetic way to make yourself happy.
Any fool can criticize,condemn and complain- and most fools do but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.”– Dale Carnegie
These words are the harsh reality of the world. Criticizing someone is always considered to be a fool’s work. Now the question arises we all get a bit angry and disappointed when the level of our expectation is not fulfilled.
So how do we avert ourselves from criticizing??
What we all can do is train our mind and heart to be more generous and generate a habit of forgiveness. But you must have thought how do we do that!!?? If it were that easy to do then everyone must have been an ideal person. Nice question
See “there is no perfect solution to be perfect all we can do is, keep trying our best to be approximately perfect.”
I will tell you what I do to prevent myself from criticizing(except the points mentioned above). I try to put myself in other’s shoes.
When we judge any situation blindly on our perspective without even thinking about other’s intent. I always try to think..” If I were in his place, had I not taken that step?? “ And if the answer to that question is YES then congratulations. I have successfully prevented myself from criticizing someone else.
Even if I get the answer as NO, I try to stop thinking about it. If that situation has nothing to do with me then it is better that I divert my mind from that situation. Probably this can also help you to stop doing an over-analysis of the situation. Gradually you will learn how not to give your attention to the things which doesn’t matter to you.
You even can appreciate with a pinch of criticism. First appreciate about the things you liked and very sophisticated say that you didn’t like a certain thing. This is also a better way to put your thoughts in front of someone.
Now you know what to do when it’s someone else’s mistake. But what if you made one. Click here to learn what to do.
Add book recommendation
Early Note: This book isn’t completely on criticism but it can help you to understand some of it’s aspects.
Note: The links of book are affiliate links. What is it? It is simple, whenever you buy a book from our link, you support Love Books. We stand for growth. That means you are indirectly helping people to grow in their life with books
Learn how to…
- Build a system for every day getting 1% better.
- Make time for making new habits.
- Overcome lack of motivation and energy.
Criticising so perfectly that you don’t hurt but bring out the best in others. With Criticism building high accountability in your team.
So good criticism is called constructive criticism, this is most important thing you learned.
Here’s some other and also important things we discussed
- Honest criticism is always appreciated. Be a positive critique.
- Better listening abilities helps to analyze every aspect of the situation.
- Sarcasm is not the best way to put your constructive criticism.
- Criticizing the person is not an effective way to bring out the best in him. Better option is to criticize their action.
- Never let your personal grudges affect your professionalism.
- Always try to behold the situation from other’s eyes.
After reviewing the concepts, let’s do quick activities below. And then end this.
Submitting It Up!
» Give suggestions instead of criticizing
» Do Honest Criticism
» Listen to the opposition
» Don’t be ambiguous
» Look from other’s eye
Enhance Your Learning
1. How giving suggestions is better than criticizing?
2. How honest and constructive criticism is actually good?
3. Why it’s important to listen to others?
4. How looking from other’s perspective can actually solve the problem?